If you've never worn a codpiece before
It is a strange sensation
When you traverse across the field
It makes obscene gyrations

(Chorus)


A Cod-piece can fool them all
Make them think you're large
Even if you're small
Just be sure you don't fool yourself
For it's still just imagination

You have to be careful in a crowd
Each step made with hesitation
For a careless bump to another's rump
May result in penetration

(Chorus)

And to be sure it works like a lure
And will raise a wench's expectations
But have a care you have something there
Or the night will end in frustration

(Chorus)

They can be made of silk or be made of steel
You can paint them with illuminations
You can even use an old drinking horn
And gain the blue feather's admiration

(Chorus)

There are many reasons to put one on
It really needs no explanation
But the best of all, It will still stand tall
Even if yours is on a vacation.

(Chorus)

They can be at rest or in full salute
In any desired configuration
But the best to date was a castle gate
The drawbridge got a standing ovation


(or)

The drawbridge caused quite a sensation

(Chorus)

At Celtic Sheep and Garter Raids, Lord Goetz was wearing a very prominent codpeice. This event was held at a public camping ground in Germany. This song was inspired when Goetz was walking by a troup of Girl Scouts and they were reduced to fits of shrieks and giggles.