Autocrat, autocrat help me I'm lost
I can't find the site
the directions seem crossed
I've been driving in circles and can't find the signs
I'm starting to loose my mind

Autocrat, Autocrat now that I'm here
where is the troll
Where goes my gear
I made no reservations, please find me a seat
Here is the list of the things I can't eat

I know you said that pets were not welcome
But I had no one to look after my Zoo
And now I can find no place to walk them
IS THERE SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN DO!!!!!

AutoCrat, AutoCrat you know that I'm
A tolerant lord
understanding and kind
But there's Fat Guys with beer and it's very unfair
They won't let me talk politics there.

Oh Feastocrat, I Found You
The people need some food
They're chewing on the Tables
and in an ugly mood.
But it will start soon
I hope soon
Right!
Right!
On! No! the Main Course just burned, not an edible piece in sight
We'd better call out for Pizza or Chicken Delight!

Oh marshall I found you!
When can the lists begin?
The Populous is bored
And the queen is guzzeling Gin
But it will start soon
I Hope Soon
Right!
Right!
Oh! No! it's Started raining, with no end in sight
As soon as it gets dryer, we'll start the fight.

Did you think it would go easy, and
there would be friends to make
With no parking
No showers
No usable toilets
Be glad You're not roasting on a stake!!!!

Seneschal, Seneschal I'm telling you I'm
At the end of my rope
and loosing my mind
Now that it's over, a lesson I've learned
When your'e the AutoCrat you're going to get burned.
It's not longer my job
I've taken my turn.
If you need help
Find somebody else
Don't ever let me volunteer again!!!

This song started out as a teaching tool. The minstrel's guild was hosting a "Bard's Night" event in late 1997. In their anouncement, they had a statement that went something like "this will be your best chance to join and meet with the Minstrel's Guild and earn you ribbons." Much too serious a tone. I felt that the event needed some comic relief. So I offered to teach a class titled "Filks in the the SCA, or How to shamelessly take somebody else's work and make it your own." At the time I had "Autocrat, Autocrat" in my "works in progress file" with just the tune and first paragraph. I planned to have the class finish the song as a class project since everyone has been to the "Event from Hades." The event got postponed for 5 months and I ended up finishing the song myself. I did eventually teach the class as planned, but they wouldn't use my title and shortened it to "Filk Writing." No sense of Humor.