Chorus:
Oh Dear what can the matter be
The Authenticity Police
Are angry and mad at me
Heraldic Flamingoes
They say are a travesty
But nobody else really cares

The first AP was Viking name Snorring
When he came to our camp we thought he was boring
He took one look at our Sweatpants and started deploring
But nobody else really cared

Chorus:

The second AP was Tudor name Percy
He saw the umbrellas and cried out "Oh mercy"
But we just drank our beers, because we were thirsty
And nobody else really cared

Chorus:

The Third AP Was a lady named Maven
Who saw period tents and thought it a haven
But then told us that bunny fur backrubs were craven
But nobody else really cared.

Chorus:

The fourth AP was a minstrel named Doris
She heard us singing and thought to play for us
But when we sang "Abuse," she would not join the chorus
And nobody else really cared

Chorus:

The fifth AP Thought he was god's gift to women
He was shocked by our games and left without sinning
Five redheads in the pool and not one of them swimming
But nobody else really cared

Chorus:

The sixth AP was a Marshall named Dusty
He came to tell us our Armor was rusty
But he could not keep his eyes off the ladies who were busty
But nobody else really cared.

Chorus:

The seventh AP was a real hat chaser
Who heard that one of us was called a gracer
But the rest of us she had no taste for
But nobody else really cared

Chorus:

A while back I got a letter, telling me that some people were SHOCKED, because I had a Pink Flamingo (with Heraldic Tabard) in front of my tent. I put it there specifically to warn A.P. types that this is not a camp for like minds. For the last few years, the Fat Guys Camp (from a distance), has been one of the most period looking camps at most sites, mainly because of the tents. This confuses most A.P’s because we normally will set up in the non-period encampment. This song is about some of the various reactions I have observed.

(ed. note: A.P. stands for "Authenticity Police" and refers to those people who run around repressing anything remotely anachronistic - such as beer cans, charcoal grills and of course, pink flamingoes.)