Three authenticity mavens from Drachenwald,
Were sipping some home made wine,
When one turns to the other two,
And says "Yours are less period than mine!"

Chorus:

So put away those pop cans.
Put your drinks in a period glass.
The Period Police are on duty;
They're a royal pain in the *ss.

"You're a liar," said the second maven.
"I'm as period as can be:
I hand stitch all the garb I wear;
No sewing machines for me!"

Chorus:

"You're a liar," said the third maven.
"I more period than you.
I raise my own sheep to get my wool;
No store bought cloth will I use!"

Chorus:

"You're a liar," says the first maven.
"I got you beat hands down.
I wear nothing but woad from head to toe,
Even when I go to town!"

Chorus:

Then the three mavens started fighting,
But that's good news, don't you see?
As long they fight with each other
They won't be bothering you or me!

Chorus:

The SCA is as a whole, a tolerant society. I always try to encourage any honest effort by somebody at garb or any other Art or Science. But in any large group, you get a pecking order. Some folks seem to feel that to advance, they must cut others down, and seem to show delight in showing how much better or knowledgeable they are than others. There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism, but some of these comments can be extremely cruel and mean spirited. They discourage participation in the Arts and Sciences. I see these mavens as destructive and the exact opposite of what the dream is about. I have seen new members reduced to tears by these vultures. Fortunately, these folks spend most of their time preying on each other, and very rarely get invited to others camps. Anyway, this song is an attempt to view them from a humorous angle.