To Plate or Not to Plate

Should Bards wear Platemail? It's a question that has plagued Bards for nearly eternity. To answer this question, let's take a look inside the thoughts of a couple of random Bards...
It is a hot day in Qeynos, at Crow's Pub and Casino. At a table near the wall, Luti and his Paladin friend play King's Court. Nearby, at another table, Kitasi, a stunningly handsome bard, drinks alone, something he's trying to rectify apparently, judging by the warm smiles he flashes at every pretty serving wench.

Knight in Plate.I am Luti, a 4th generation Bard. My friend Windraven, a Paladin, and I, daily go out to rid Qeynos Hills of the evil gnolls. I am wearing Leather armor because that is what my father and his father before him always wore. Windraven has a suit of Plate handed down from his grandfather. When we go out to hunt the gnolls, Windraven has to protect me. His platemail easily turns back the rusty weapons of the Blackburrow gnolls. But the same swords bite deeply into my Leather tunic. I wish I was able to wear the Plate.

So one day Windraven and I are down at Crow's playing some cards. It was a hot day and Windraven decided to take off his armor. After another flash of mead, Windraven had to "excuse" himself yet again. Looking at his Plate, I decide to see what it feels like to wear it. So I remove my Leather boots and put on his Steel Plate Boots. Wow, these would protect my feet much better when Fippy steps on them. And they don't affect my singing or instrument playing at all. Then I put on the Platemail Helm. It is heavy, but the faceplate is open, allowing easy access for my flute and brass horn. I try on the rest of the pieces and they feel great. The Breastplate flexes enough for me to get deep breaths needed for my songs. The Plate Girdle actually has a hook for me to hang my drum on. The leg, back and neck pieces don't interfere with any of my abilities.

Only with the Plate Gauntlets do I see any difficulties. I can't see how I'd play my instruments with these gauntlets on. I thought the same about my Leather gloves when I tried playing my Lute. But with much practice, I was able to manage. Maybe I could manage to practice and learn to play with these Gauntlets too.

I hear a great laughter behind me. Windraven is rolling on the floor. He says "Silly Bard, you can't wear Plate". "Why not?" I ask.............

Kitasi sat back, enjoying another bottle of fine elven wine. If only he could get that pretty red-haired serving girl to join him things would be even better. He flashed her a smile as she passed, just to let her know he was ready for another drink.

Reyn, a Bard. As he waited for her to return he turned his gaze to the pair of adventurers playing King's court over by the wall. A tall burly type all decked out in plate and his stylish friend with a drum by his chair. A fellow bard he wondered to himself? He noticed that the warrior type was drinking rather heavily, and sweating nearly as much.

Kit watched amusedly as the burly one removed his armor piece by piece. If I made a lass wait that long in the evenings, her ardor would surely cool. Still, perhaps it might have its uses, twas surely flashy enough. Then to his amazement, while the warrior answered the call of Tunare, the other bard decided to try on the plate for himself!

As Kit watched the other bard put on the Great steel helmet, hmmm that would make it difficult to see my rakish good looks, not to mention ruining those windswept locks. Still it would deflect a gnoll's mace well... The breastplate, keep one from getting poked by a spear perhaps, but what's the point of having a flawless chest and tight abs if the ladies can't see them... The guantlets??? Right out he thought to himself, playing a mandolin is tricky enough in snakeskin, the cost in strings alone would make those gauntlets seem cheap by comparison. Boots??? Well I suppose it would make you less likely to be trod upon by clumsy barbarians coming off the ship, but how would he sneak deep into the lair of the Splitpaw clanhold with those things on, for that matter with any of it on.

Kit sighed as the other bard seemed enamored with the feel and weight of the newfound protection. Yes he thought, it would well keep you from sword and claw, but so would guile and magery. Perhaps that might suit him thought Kit as he led the pretty redhaired lass upstairs, twirling a key around his finger; but give me the freedom to move and I'll be happy to let the brutes keep their plate. I have better armor he laughed, my rapier wit, keen intellect, and rakish good looks. True the Splitpaw don't appreciate them, but then again only Ren Rexx ever saw them, and he only briefly...

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Page maintained by Minstrel Sir Snicker Furfoot - Master Bard
With special research assistance by Talies on Bristlebane
And special thanks to Kitasi and Luti for their kind permission to reprint these wonderful stories.
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